On Rejection

How do you normally react to rejection?

I have observed that…

Some people would suddenly muster the strength to prove themselves when rejected.
Some people would just give-up.
Some people would be depressed, and would be so confused.
Some people would lose their identity; would have low self-esteem.

It could be about the work of your hands; it could be about a person
It could be a dream…
Name it…

Some people can be torn by rejection.
Or some people can become stronger because of rejection.
Some people may realize what they have because of rejection.
I have been thinking a lot about this in the past few days.

I am afraid of rejection, just like probably many people in the world.
The ridiculous thing about this fear of rejection is when you can’t avoid but to be rejected over and over again. Sometimes you would ask: “Why do I have to keep hearing/experiencing this rejection?”

And, it does hurt. Just like that first time you were rejected.

These thoughts led me to remember the love story of Jacob and Rachel in Genesis 29.

Oh yes you do remember that love story, especially how you would swoon at Jacob’s love for Rachel, that 7 years was nothing for him because he longed for that beautiful girl, with a lovely face.

We seldom talk about Leah. We sometimes say, “oh yeah, and there’s that girl… Leah.”
She’s a side note. The girl with the weak eyes.

I guess I have a tendency to be drawn to the people rejected, that every time I read this love story, I focus on Leah. I feel her pain. I feel her longings. I feel her hopes. I feel her anticipation. I feel her cries, and maybe groans to God that oh please she would be finally loved. But even her prayers, can’t change Jacob’s feelings towards her.

She happened to be the eldest, and her culture demands that she marry first. She happened to be single when Jacob fell in love with Rachel, the prettier daughter. She happened to be there left behind. With a father that was most likely concerned at her, can you imagine what horror she must have felt to be dragged to the marriage tent, because there’s no choice for her? I may be wrong, but that’s how I see it if I would be in her situation.

What could she be thinking?

She probably said: “Oh… maybe in the morning, Jacob would reconsider, and also like me…” She probably had the maybes, the high hopes. What could be reeling in her head that night? Fear… and only to be rejected! Because she cannot escape her situation anymore that Jacob still chooses Rachel, she hoped that she would have a child so that Jacob would love her, and how we can see child after child her longing was there: that she would be loved!

Of course we always talk about Jacob and how adorable he is for working 7 more years for Rachel, or how Rachel also has her own share of misery and how God has answered her prayers… but today please let me focus more on Leah and what God has done for her.

I really like what happens in Genesis 29:35.

Leah bore children and at each moment it showed her focus  and deepest desire of wanting to be loved; then she had Judah and at that very moment her response changed: She praised the Lord. It was such a priceless moment.

It is never easy to stop and praise the Lord in circumstances when we feel like our dreams are slipping through our fingers.  It is never easy to be rejected by people, to be unloved, or to be unwanted. It is not easy to praise the Lord in situations when we feel like we are not enough. We tend to focus on ourselves, our insecurities, and more and more on the object of our affection, our longings, and our dreams.

If I were Leah, I would have said, “why did I have to be the eldest?” “Why did I have to be here in this place and point in time?” But if we would probably look further and see how Leah is blessed that the savior came from the tribe of Judah, this is something that made me marvel. I think that was kind of interesting.

I guess this story brought me back to my senses,
and I was reminded once again of who I have.
In whom I have everything.
I have the one that never rejected somebody like me.

Where’s my focus? Who is my delight?
Is my attitude of “praising God in all circumstances?

Circumcision of the Heart

Whenever I’m tempted to ask God why, my heart beats fast,
reminding me that He has the right and I don’t.
My heart only beats because of Him.

And then I cry once again…
For I know He has allowed me to continue living,
because He wants to keep on showing me there’s more to life!

Even though there were times I wish I would have just died and not suffered this pain…

But then, the heart is satisfied…
because in the midst of it all,
It finds its real joy!
No wonder why He,
cut away that which hinders…

But oh so painful, and it continually is.
But I desire a heart of flesh
and not of stone,
so continue the work in me Lord.

Take my heart!!!!
I am yours…

Called to Serve in the Nations

Hello Everyone!

I made it to St. Kitts! I praise the Lord for His protection and travelling mercies, and most of all, I thank you for all of your prayers!

I have written my blog for my first day in St. Kitts and I would like to blog on the highlights of each day. I invite you to subscribe because I would only upload them once I get an internet connection. I was told it would be once a week that we can connect online 🙂 Now talk about adjustment but it’s all good. I have a wonderful team with me.

Click on this link to go to my daily highlights and don’t forget to subscribe. 🙂

For some of you who do not know yet what’s going on, I am now serving at Mesoamerica and will be here until August. Our first country is St. Kitts and Nevis, and on March 24 we head out to Haiti and serve there for 3 weeks. Then we will serve in Dominican Republic for 3 weeks, then Mexico for 6 weeks, El Salvador for 3 weeks, and then Panama for 3 weeks.

I’ll keep this blog updated and will write my daily highlights on the other blog. So don’t forget to subscribe here, and on the other blog to follow where the team is and what we are doing, so you can all pray for us.

You are all wonderful thank you for praying for me, and sharing your treasure so I can get here and serve the region. I feel the body of Christ, and we are all responding to God’s call and partner in His mission to save the world 🙂

Visit my fund page, and if you wish to partner with me, it is still not too late to do so. I have another story about my tickets so I’m back to raising $1,600 dollars more on top of the $3000 dollars I raised for the tickets, a total of $4,600. I will blog more on it later. So if you and your church want to partner with me, please click on this link.

So til later! Love you all!

Llamados  a ser como Cristo en el mundo,
(Called to be like Christ in the world),
Janary Suyat

Also, I invite you to LIKE our 12:7 Serve FB page to be updated. Click on this link.

Better Than Comfort Food

I love you Lord for You know me as I am.
You have filled my heart with gladness,
and the new morning has come!

Oh sunshine in my soul!
A kiss of glory that fills me…
You carry me from strength to strength.

Your love never ends,
it never fails, nothing compares.
You have turned my grief to unspeakable joy!
My tears are gone.

You in me and I in You
For all eternity…
You complete me.

Renewal of the Covenant

Today, I renew my covenant with the Lord and pray that I may be His alone.

I am no longer my own, but thine.
Put me to what thou wilt,
rank me with whom thou wilt.
Put me to doing, put me to suffering.
Let me be employed for thee
or laid aside for thee,
exalted for thee or brought low for thee.

Let me be full, let me be empty.
Let me have all things,
let me have nothing.

I freely and heartily yield all things
to thy pleasure and disposal.

And now, O glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit,
thou art mine, and I am thine.
So be it.

And the covenant which I have made on earth,
let it be ratified in heaven.
Amen.

-the Covenant Prayer in the Wesleyan Tradition.

A Love Letter

My dearest,

I do not know where you are now, but I want you to know that I am praying for you today.

It is hearts’ day today or Valentines day, whatever they call it… and I am overwhelmed by how much love is in the air. I went out and have seen couples and their smiles and their amazing bliss for a day. Because love is magnified on this day, (although it should be magnified each moment), I would also take this time as worth thinking of you.

I am sorry if I have not taken care of my heart, but I will keep on surrendering it to God so He can mold it and I could become a woman after His own heart. I want to keep guarding it, and hope that when you are finally here, you would choose to be my protector, my warrior.

I long for that day when you would delight in me, and tell me you have also prayed for me and have been waiting for the moment we could be together.

I pray you would take care of your heart too. I pray that God would make you a man after His own heart. I pray that you would learn from His love, and be more like Him each day.

I’ll wait for you.

Love,

Janary

He Holds My Hand

These days have been tough for me as I started walking on “roads” I’ve never traveled before. The word of the Lord in Isaiah 41 has greatly encouraged me as I go through this journey. I especially keep on remembering verses 10 and 13:

¹⁰ ‘Do not fear, for I am with you; 
Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. 
I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, 
Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

¹³ “For I am the LORD your God, who upholds your right hand, 
Who says to you, ‘Do not fear, I will help you.’ 

Whenever I remind myself of these words, I always picture myself holding God’s hand while being in an unfamiliar place; or holding God’s hand, blindfolded and feeling the cold wind that makes me shiver and afraid. I also remember Peter when he walked on water, but I don’t want to end up doubting and losing my focus on Jesus and start drowning.

Though these verses talk about Israel’s circumstance which is different from mine, I could still claim its promise as it talks about the same God who is holding my hand today. I can feel His warmth, and there’s comfort at the thought of not being alone. He is with me, and He is near.

I am finding out more and more my behavior when I worry or when I am unsure, and it surely shows restlessness expressed in so many ways. I can’t keep silent, I wander, I lose my way, I try to scream for help from other places and I can’t keep my focus. But then His word comes to me like His hand tugging me back to Him, reminding me:

“My child, I am here.”

I stop to fall into His arms and accept His big embrace. I cry for a moment and cry a lot. And He lets me be.
And then He holds my hand as if telling me: “Are you ready? Let’s go, do not be afraid. I will be here, I will not let go.”

Then I am tempted to ask:
“Lord, but why on these roads? Why here? Why so narrow and steep? Can’t we just walk on the other side?”
I keep forgetting that I am with Him, but that’s all that matters.
He won’t let go, His way is perfect, and He wants me to walk with Him.

I do not know how all of these would turn out exactly,
But I will keep on trusting Him…
For I know that He will help me,
and that is enough to keep me on.

He knows the way…
He knows where we are going.
It’s bigger than my dreams.

Bloggable Thoughts

It’s 4am and I am still wide awake. It could be because of the coffee I consumed at 10pm, or the thought of my impacted wisdom tooth that needs to be extracted. It could also be the random thoughts in my head.

I just finished watching the movie Julie and Julia (since I can’t sleep), and it stirred up so many things inside me. I really want to blog someday about cooking, I might never be as cool as The Pioneer Woman, but hey it’s gonna be my journey on the art of cooking and eating haha. Anderson and I have been talking about creating a blog about our hobbies, and stuff we will be doing together. He will take photographs, and I would write small fun or inspirational thoughts about it.

I’m very excited to meet him face to face. I actually made a countdown and have posted pictures each day of things that remind me of him. Can you imagine I have 43 days left? So fast!

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You can follow the countdown on my tumblr.

I guess I do love blogging. I like the idea of having something worth reminiscing someday.

Some would say blogging has to do with the narcissistic urge in a person, and maybe to some extent it’s true. But for me blogging is like having a friend that would listen to you at 4am in the morning when you could not sleep, or not have a real person to talk to. It’s like having people that can go with you as you live your life.

I can write about random things on my blog, which sadly, I have not been doing as frequently as I used to. Every time I try to write something on my blog these days, I feel guilty, same as when I think of other fun things. Thoughts like “I shouldn’t be wasting my time on this” come to my mind, and honestly, I don’t like that feeling. I am back to the point where I want to be free once again, free to express myself in different ways and enjoy life.

Worries can trap us.

I do believe in a powerful God who knows exactly what I am going through, and who cares so much for me; however, I confess I doubt him at times and I ask for forgiveness. I do want to be in control most of the time. During the sharing time at the prayer meeting last night, I confessed that I was tempted to quit the Seminary. It is just so hard not to have an income, and there are times I still ask if this is really what God wants me to do. I am on my last year (hopefully) at the Seminary, and since I resigned at the church where I pastored for four years, it is a real test of trust on God’s faithfulness and provisions. But hey, I have never been hungry since January, and God has faithfully provided for my needs in different ways, although there is always a test on trust.

Now, what could be wrong?

I think every person has an “ideal” situation running in their head. I still tend to grumble, but I try my best to look at the blessings I should be grateful for each day. I still remind myself that God has a plan for me, and I should never give up. I always remind myself of His promises; that He will never leave me nor forsake me, but I do admit, it’s not easy to “not” know what’s next, or even deal with past failures and regrets that weigh us down.

I came across Isaiah 43 once again and have found comfort in it:

18 “Forget the former things; 
do not dwell on the past. 
19 See, I am doing a new thing! 
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? 
I am making a way in the wilderness 
and streams in the wasteland.

I desire for a new start. I pray for new beginnings.
I pray for a deeper trust in God who is everything to me.

If there is something that fills my heart with joy these days, I praise God for the work he is doing in our  NYI leaders in the Philippines. The workshops for Intentional Discipleship is still on-going and that reminds me I still owe you my update for the recent Nazarene Youth Congress, and other exciting things God is doing in the lives of the youth. I am proud that this generation is becoming more serious in making Christlike disciples in the Nations, and that really makes me so excited. The ministry never stopped when I resigned the church, instead, doors are being opened and people are responding to the call to be equipped for the harvest.

It’s now 4:47am, and I still want to talk or write about a lot of things, but maybe I’ll end this for now with some prayer requests:

1. Please pray for my spiritual life. I desire to draw nearer to the Lord and be able to know Him more and love Him with my all.

2. Please pray for me as I follow God’s desire to bring hope and grace to hurting people. I have been talking with a number of young people who have opened up their hearts and struggles to me and I want to be a reflection of God’s love to them and to more people who need the Good news of grace and salvation.

3. Please pray for me as I conduct “Intentional Discipleship” workshops; and for all the partnerships made with our NYI leaders to be fruitful as we train more leaders. Pray for my disciples, that they may grow in Christlikeness.

4. Please pray for my Seminary education, that God would provide sponsors for this year, and for strength and diligence.

Thanks for your prayers. In all that is happening in my life right now, I believe God is working on something great for me.

Here’s my prayer with AW Tozer from the “Universal Presence” chapter
in the book The Pursuit of God:

O God and Father, I repent of my sinful preoccupation with visible things.
The world has been too much with me.
Thou hast been here and I knew it not.
I have been blind to Thy Presence.
Open my eyes that I may behold Thee in and around me.
For Christ’s sake. Amen.

Have a great Thursday everyone!

International Love

Hello Everyone! I’m back on the blog scene. 😉 In two days, it is MAY already and that would mean 4 months of update from me. But before that, I would like to share with you how amazed I am at this “International Love” my own eyes have seen.

Well, no, I am not talking about Pitbull’s or Chris Brown’s song.

Last Tuesday night, I was very exhausted after 3 hours of taking care of 2 babies, 2 toddlers, and 5 kids aged 3 to 4 years old from the orphanage where I volunteered. The staff in charge had a meeting and I was left all by myself to take care of all of them. I’m glad my sister came so she helped me, but still!! (This deserves another blog). So when I came back to APNTS, I had no plans of going online but just to slouch and wait for dinner, but I felt this tug in my heart. So I went online.

To my surprise, I received an email from Anderson, my Colombian bf, saying that he was assaulted while on the way to Ecuador. I got very anxious!

Anderson started his journey last April 15 from Argentina to Bolivia, then to Chiclayo, Peru, and then the Peruvian jungle. He was about to cross the border at that time to go to Ecuador. He tried to assure me he was safe, but he said he lost everything he had: his possessions, bags, money, and important documents. He didn’t know what to do next. When he told me he only has a few more minutes to talk to me, I panicked. I asked for the exact address of his location, and he also gave me the number of the police station in Tumbes, Peru where he was.

I wanted to cry when he said he needs to go offline already. He asked me for help and I didn’t know what to do next. I am glad I have his passwords and so I tried to calm down and went online in his Skype account, then his Gmail. Apparently, he was able to send email to many people in his region. The people from different places started replying. Of course they wrote in Spanish, so there I was feeling more lost.

It was dawn in South America during that time, so I was hesitant to contact anyone. I tried to talk to the first person that went online in Skype and she responded to me; she is staying in Colombia. The next person was Anderson’s best friend who is also in Colombia, so I made the call, which surely surprised him. I gave him the Peruvian number Anderson gave me and was very encouraging.

The mails kept coming in, but there was no way for Anderson to read it yet. I recognized the name of our missionary friend from Paraguay in one of the emails so I replied to her and told her all the information I have. She tried to contact her family in Peru so that they could get some help.

Then I looked at my Facebook friends. Some of Anderson’s friends added me on Facebook last year. It was a real blessing at a time like this. I posted on the wall of one girl from Peru, and asked her if she can contact the people in the seminary in Quito, Ecuador so that we can ask for some help. She replied immediately and I was amazed! She then called a friend who lives near the border where Anderson was.

I went back to Anderson’s email and saw mails from people from Argentina and the region, who were wanting to send him assistance to help him cross the border. The problem was, Anderson doesn’t have documents to show for the money transfer. So when the missionary friend from Paraguay called me again, we talked about how to send money to Anderson.

I tried to call the number or the Police station and when I am thinking about it again, it was really funny. I really need to study my Spanish more. An officer answered my call and my Spanish left my head all of a sudden. I think even my English left me. I just kept saying: May I speak to Anderson Godoy? And he responded with so many words I could not understand. I kept repeating Anderson’s name, and I am glad the officer did not hang up on me, instead, he also screamed Anderson’s name. Then I recognized Anderson’s voice from the background. It was a comfort to hear him. Anderson told me he already received a call saying someone was going to pick him up and help him cross the border.

It was a traumatic experience for me to be miles and miles away, but it was a comfort to know that the body of Christ, and the brothers and sisters from the Church of the Nazarene were ready and prompt in extending help. I am amazed at the technology and the cyber world. I am here in the Philippines and was still able to talk to people from Colombia, Peru, Paraguay, Ecuador, Argentina, and even the States; people whom I haven’t met yet. Though there were language differences, it did not stop us to be there for one another, and to show love in difficult times, as one family in Christ.

After a few hours, Anderson wrote to me and said the authorities didn’t want him to cross the border because he doesn’t have enough documents; but God was showing him miracles by touching these people’s hearts.

Anderson was able to reach Quito today, but his plans have changed. He was intending to stay at the seminary in Ecuador  for two weeks to teach and raise funds for his Graduate studies at APNTS in the Philippines. Since he doesn’t have any documents now, he would have to go asap to Colombia and get new documents. Please continue to pray for him as he travels back to his country tomorrow, that there won’t be more problems when he would cross the border, without any documents.

I talked to him this morning and he is very grateful for the love and support he received from the brothers and sisters in his region and from friends around the world. . He has a swollen foot, and though he lost material things, the Lord still spared his life and the brothers and sisters in Quito provided for his needs like clothes and stuff. Thank you for your prayers and I know that the Lord will take care of you!

There are many people not listed here that kept in contact with me and kept assuring us of prayers and hands ready to extend help. You are all a blessing!

I believe that the Lord allows bad things to happen for a reason.
And in the good times and bad,
I praise God for showing His love and grace
through people like you.
We are very grateful.

TRUTH THURSDAYS: The Underrated Joys in My Life

The Veranda ‘kada

I am not sure if I have given enough gratitude to these awesome friends whom I can call my family and support here in the seminary. I tagged this group as veranda ‘kada because  everything started at the dining hall veranda last year.
(‘kada is short for barkada, a Tagalog word meaning “group of friends”) .

Some of them were new students last year, and most of us were trying to see if we can be good friends with each other. I thought it was cool to celebrate the birthdays of my new found friends at midnight and prepare baked goodies for them. At the beginning, the birthdays were surprise parties, where everyone planned and made contributions and it was a load of fun. As time passed by, we were even able to celebrate some of the birthdays without the celebrant haha (that is if they can’t make it).

So what’s so special about these peeps? During my first two years in the seminary I always hung out with whoever was available to relax with me after a stressful day. Most of the time, I can’t find anyone since the students are always busy. So I wandered alot, enjoyed the swing and got bored several times and have prayed I would have a break with my imaginary friends. I was guessing that with the different cultures and pressure of school and other responsibilities, hanging out with a group of friends is such a waste of time, so I never really got a group of friends to be with and be “who I am” without worrying if I am behaving in a certain social construct (there you go Jeff, I am using your favorite term). As time went by Kuya Glen, Ingrid, Jahan, Jarrett, Jeff, Angelo, Andrew, and Ate Ruth became the friends that I have come to know for fun and chill time, and TV nights; not only that, but for emotional support as well. I mean, I was able to find real people with real issues that could understand me and hear out my rants, and even be my shock absorber. The gang grew when Mackey, and Admiral came to join us, with Bik, Reza and Johnrey joining us sometimes for Pandesal nights. I can say they are my friends, and they are for keeps. I wish to be here for you if you need me 😉

I know we have been very busy these past few months, with less time for pandesal and decent talks and if this is my chance to say thank you guys (since I am sensing some of you are going to graduate soon), saying you are all great is actually an understatement.

 

Sometimes you are just always there that I tend to ignore your worth in my life.

You are part of my joys and will ever be 😉

Truth Thursdays: Overflow