TRUTH THURSDAYS: I am Choosing August 20, 2009
Posted by Janary in Truth Thursdays.Tags: choices, future, random, Truth Thursdays
add a comment
(Part 1)
It was a typical uber-long-super-tiring-day when I dragged my feet home last Thursday. The weather was not cold, but there was an eerie feel in the atmosphere. It was the same darkness that welcomed me and there was nothing special to it until I stepped on The Bridge. Our campus has a small bridge that connects the two parts of our wonderful Seminary. The lights on that bridge was dim but it started to flicker and then it felt like it was an enchanted moment that I can’t help but dance. I started to hear music in my ears so I just let loose and imagined I was a princess wearing this big gown, free as a bird to wave my arms and jump and skip and sing. The stars joined me in that moment and it was priceless until I stepped on the other side and the magic was gone. I then started to look behind me to see if somebody saw the crazy dance I just did. It was crazy, but I never felt so free until that dance. I still talk about that moment to my friends, and wonder how all that happened. I chuckle at the thought and worry at the same time that somebody might have seen me and thought I was some silly girl. Well, I have a confession to make: inside this mind is a different world.
——-
(Part 2)
I think about my future frequently now. I am afraid I have started to worry over it, when I have only shrugged about the thought most of the time before.
I used to say I will never leave the country. Now I ask: what if I would?
I wanted to remain being a pastor. Now I ask: What about trying studying full-time?
I have always wanted to marry a pastor. Now I have changed that; and I also ask: What if I don’t marry at all?
I have always disliked people “spiritualizing” so many things. Now I ask: Is there really a thing that is not related to my spirituality?
I thought putting things under the rug and selective memory was the way to deal with bad experiences: Now I ask: Have I really dealt with it?
I have always wanted to be seen as the person who can work well. Now I ask: Do I still care?
While I thought I have my own set of ideals…
I realized I am Jana. And I can change.
A Toast to Friendship August 7, 2009
Posted by Janary in Letters, random thoughts.Tags: Friendship, letter, picture, puzzle
add a comment
Dear Blake,
I can still remember the way you brush your long hair the first day I saw you. I liked you then and there. There’s some personality that can be seen whenever you do that. Even though we weren’t introduced right away, there was an assurance from the way you smiled at me. I kept wondering what kind of person you really are.
Now its been a while since the last time we talked. I just love the spontaneity in all those talks. Those were good times, despite the fact that you always have a way of saying goodbye. It was distinctly Blake-ish. You are always in between showing and holding your emotions. I wonder what scares you.
And then I met all these girls. All these girls that started looking at me like green-eyed monsters. I saw how they dance out their own confusion and frustration. Each step was a familiar step, each beat a nostalgic memory.
I’m amazed to see how they pour out their emotions in dazzling pages and spaces and twirls and zigzags.
It was an easy puzzle for me. I can put it all together in an instant, because I see all the pieces.
And then they look at me, with eyes looking for answers that only I can see.
Now I know what it feels like to see the whole picture.
I always heard that before- that they can see the whole picture.
I don’t want to be there again Blake.
Maybe next time when you’re not scared anymore.
A toast to friendship,
Iablair
Miss Brightside August 7, 2009
Posted by Janary in Fan the flame, Letters, moments :-p.Tags: Brightside, letter, ramblings
add a comment
My Everdearest,
I should be sleeping by now. While my roomie is having her own world of happiness in front of her computer and the never ending Koreanovelas, I sit here smiling and I just wanna share what’s new. It had been weeks of frustration and nausea but I am grateful for little things that brighten up my day; or night.
It is still raining outside, but I can sense that tomorrow will be a sunshine filled day; if not, it’s still gonna be okay. I miss the warm rays coming in my room after the early morning jog and prayer. We already have Facebook now (Danke Schoen!!!), after weeks of the poor PLDT connection, and that just kept my eyes wide open since I arrived from Burger King before midnight. I noticed that the depressing rainy weather always stirs up cravings for jr. Whopper and Sundae, and I just had that satisfying dinner, with my other roomie. Changes are never ending, but your faithfulness is my comfort and joy.
I owe you some of the changes, well, if you haven’t observed, I think I got the courage to let go of the “who I think I am” rationale. I am happy that my own stereotype-Jana-phase is over; though I still make lists. I am still ambitious with my plans and though I have failed most of them I kept writing and trying. I still want to accomplish a lot of things; and with that crazy desire is a wish for a day with 36 hours. (Insert “what!!???” here)
I’m wearing the purple baller ID that my classmate gave me last semester. I wore it since I started grumbling endlessly this week because it’s a complaint-free-campaign-baller ID. I am trying my best to breathe and be Miss Brightside. I am slowly sinking in depression and it had really kept me from being more productive the past few weeks. I sometimes wanted to see a psychologist; and try even more crazy stuff. I still want to do that.
Above all, I wanna thank you. Thank you for your love that never gives up on me whenever you see me like this. I am one annoying, grumbling sicko that you have never been tired of dealing with. You are my strength. How can I possibly continue living without you? Thank you for the cross, and the hope that you promised me.
I am never a loser with you.
P.S.
I should sleep now so I can write my June-July update tomorrow, right?
Goodnight my Lord.
Melted July 31, 2009
Posted by Janary in mark downs, random thoughts.Tags: candle, light, poem, wax
2 comments
I can see one life
slowly melting before my eyes
as I stare at that scented candle
with a flickering light.
It had given a soothing scent
and a romantic atmosphere
in that same old, dark room.
It’s sad that it will soon be traces of wax
on the dish where it stands;
and the scent will also be gone.
For every wax tear, is there any consolation
as it is consumed by the heat of the fire?
Should it wish for a whoosh of cold air to purge it’s very life,
save itself and be forever standing there,
long to be admired for how it was made
and not become what it was made for?
Is there hope for that which had once shed light?
Janary. July 21, 2009
Posted by Janary in define me.Tags: Janary, trivia
add a comment
Ten Top Trivia Tips about Janary!
- Janary never said ‘Play it again, Sam’.
- Fifty-two percent of Americans drink Janary.
- The Australian billygoat plum contains a hundred times more Vitamin C than Janary!
- Janary is the largest of Saturn’s moons.
- Plato believed that the souls of melancholy people would be reincarnated into Janary.
- If you lace Janary from the inside to the outside, the fit will be snugger around your big toe.
- Janary can pollinate up to six times more efficiently than the honeybee.
- Janary is often used in place of milk in food photography, because milk goes soggy more quickly than Janary!
- Janary can only be destroyed by intense heat, and is impermeable even to acid!
- Apples are covered with a thin layer of Janary.
Haha. This is too hilarious not to share!!!
Try it too.
Magic! July 21, 2009
Posted by Janary in Fan the flame, moments :-p.Tags: Harry Potter, Holy Spirit, magic
2 comments
Ab-ra-ka-blah-blah!
Poof!
In a crazy spur-of-the-moment last night I eventually called Baljit and said we can watch Harry Potter, after saying no that same day, in the morning. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t say no because it is Harry Potter and that it has sorcery and magic and stuff in it… no. I haven’t reached that point of being legalistic about stuff like these ya know. And if you’re also gonna ask me about MJ’s death, I would rather say he was a great performer and I admire him than “oh… he’s from the devil or some sort like that”. Anyway, I was meaning to say that yes, I am entertained by these HP movies and so I always give it a go, if I had the moolah and the time. So I had moolah and though it was late, that was gonna be my free time for the entire week. It was nice and I am now finding Harry Potter (Radcliffe) cute.
Today, I received an email you know, these forwarded messages. It had a nice title so I was curious. So I opened this forwarded email and read it. It was a touching story and it had the Lord, and the faith in it. It was nice. But at the end, there it said:
PASS THIS ON TO BLAH BLAH NUMBER OF PEOPLE AND “THEN” THE HOLY SPIRIT WILL FILL YOU AND BRIGHTEN YOUR LIFE IN JUST AN HOUR.
Okay what’s up with these forwarded messages? Sometimes we also try to do our own version of magic too, not with potions or magic words but acts like these: that if we do this, or do that, the Lord will do this or that. Or the Lord will bless you etc. etc. Have we once again put God in a box and think we can control Him by our acts? Or even by our prayers?
We, instead, should ask in faith and believe that He cares, and listens to our prayers. But if He doesn’t give us our requests, He is God and He knows better. We’ve most of the time forgotten that He is God. And most importantly, He gives His Spirit to those who would ask in faith. “Ask and you will receive.”
Let us not confuse faith with magic brothers and sisters.
Or I’ll carry a stick and point it to you saying:
“Be still, Our God is God, and He loves you;
rest in Him and His word.”
Woot for Mondays! July 20, 2009
Posted by Janary in define me, moments :-p, random thoughts.Tags: enemies, Monday, ramblings
add a comment
Contrary to what most people feel during Mondays, I love Mondays and I still do.
While most people drag themselves out of bed and think about the heavy rush hour traffic early Monday morning, I get to wake up whenever I want without having to deal with my alarm clock making noises that prolly my dormmates hate by now because I don’t easily wake up remember? I just wait til when I wake up and voila! It is good morning world for me in the late afternoon (that is if we don’t have the Monday morning District Pastor’s meeting once a month). Mondays allow me to just rest and meet up with people, and rest and chill, and catch up on chores and rest on His Word. I get to sit down and plan for the week, review last week, and dream dreams. But they said that change is constant and that is true today as I write this post at 7:30 am while eating my loved breakfast cereal; and oh I have already been up for almost 3 hours with the fact that I slept at 2am last night. crazy huh? Well, I still love Mondays because I can still do the same things minus the late waking up part and that I have a Monday class this semester. Mondays still give me that fresh outlook, new-hope-kind-of-feeling, for another week after all the troubles of the past week. To add to that I actually look forward to Mondays and get excited about it. I guess it is how you decide to condition yourself.
I love Mondays!
and I love my enemies too.
(ooops. that slipped)
There She Goes July 18, 2009
Posted by Janary in Lord undo me, mark downs.add a comment
There she goes again!!!
So I thought I was free from you… But Hey! Your’e back.
You just test my patience so well
And I would have to kneel down on my knees again each day that the Lord would undo me for all the hate you put in my heart. Ahhhh.
These selfish people can stir up hate. So much hate.
And it is just one darn clothesline that can cost me my salvation.
But I guess I can’t get rid of you heh?
I’ll just let my self die instead.
There. I’m dead.
Social Networks and Whining July 18, 2009
Posted by Janary in mark downs.add a comment
I cannot deny that I’ve become internet dependent these days. As is obvious to all, I am a facebook addict. It is at least a good 3-unit addictive facebook course while you are in the seminary. You get to talk with people and actually do ministry in ways you’ll neverrrrrrr know. Add to that the fact that I am a blog addict; that’s not just blogging but reading blogs too. If you don’t know what a blog is, I’m blogging now. And if you are reading this on facebook, it is an imported blogpost from my wordpress blog. I maintain five blogs.
So where am I going at here? Let’s just say that if you are alone, inside the dorm, and you have no family with you, and just like you, your dormmates are in and out of the dorm; they are as busy as you are and schedules aren’t exactly the same… you get the idea that social networks are ways to talk to people online. These aren’t just people you don’t know but close friends and family as well. Now it may sound like something pathetic that people like me don’t have a life outside of the dorm or something, but let’s just say that the distance is another story. When your friends and family are living miles away from you, you get updates of their lives and see photos of them on these social networks. You can read about their days on their blogs and you can also play with them on applications like farmtown. Right. That reminds me of my farm. Now if you want more… I have been able to talk to our church members who are in other countries and also out of town for a work assignment. Isn’t that something? I get to pray for them and talk to them. But to be honest with you… I AM ACTUALLY RANTING NOW.
I just wish that our internet would be back now so that all of the things I do on the internet are not blocked. I am just so glad that I can write this post now after trying to go to numerous Open DNS blocked sites. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
Lord have mercy on the whining Jana.
Picture Survey July 12, 2009
Posted by Janary in define me.Tags: Janary, picture, survey, trivia
add a comment
Tagged by Yang.
1. Picture of me in my room.
Good Morning Picture! hehe. 
2. Picture of me posing with someone I don’t actually like.
It is not that I don’t like her.
My character here doesn’t like her character. hehe
3. Picture of me with a former crush.
Yes, Ben Inivale. hehe.
4. Picture of me really drunk.
I never drink. So I only get drunk with tea.
5. Picture of me with a parent or two.
6. Picture/s of me on my birthday and/or favorite holiday.
7. Picture of me in my younger years.
8. Picture of me in my favorite outfit.
9. Picture of me making a goofy face.
10. Picture I might have edited to make myself more attractive.
11. Picture/s of me in a club or team i’m in.
Medical Mission Team in Davao.
12. Picture of a night i regret.
I regret that I got so tired and slept earlier than my friends during the sleep over.
Someday I will get back on all of you who murdered me with powder while sleeping.
13. Picture of me showing a new haircut.
14. Picture of me truly being myself.
15. Most recent picture of me.
16. Picture of me absolutely being ridiculous.
17. Picture i’ve been tagged in that i’m not actually in.
18. Picture[s] of a time in my life i wish wasn’t over.
19. Picture of a time in my life that’s over and i couldn’t be more thankful that it is.
20. Picture/s of me with my oldest friends.
21. Picture with my newest friends.
22. Picture of me when i was anything but happy even if i was smiling and did my best to hide it.
23. Picture of me that i had no idea was being taken.
24. Picture of me when i was a different person than i am now.
25. Picture of me in a “FASHION DON’T”
26. Picture of me in a swimsuit whether like it or loathe it.
27. Picture of me taking a shot/chugging a beer/downing some sort of mixed drink.
For those who don’t get it, I don’t drink beer remember? Tea would do.
28. Picture of myself that i hate.
This was during our mock wedding for Church Administration class
and I did the make up of all the girls in our class leaving me no time to fix myself,
even my hair. Uggh.
29. Picture of me with someone i love.
30. Picture of how i’d like the world to see me.
That I have a BIG HEART for the Little Ones.
The Kids, and those who are not.
31. Picture of how i’d like to spend everyday.
Worship. In all that I do.
32. Picture of a time when everything was changing.
33. Picture/s that make/s my heart hurt.
34. Picture/s that make/s my heart smile.
35. Picture/s of one of the best nights of my life. 
