Bloggable Thoughts

It’s 4am and I am still wide awake. It could be because of the coffee I consumed at 10pm, or the thought of my impacted wisdom tooth that needs to be extracted. It could also be the random thoughts in my head.

I just finished watching the movie Julie and Julia (since I can’t sleep), and it stirred up so many things inside me. I really want to blog someday about cooking, I might never be as cool as The Pioneer Woman, but hey it’s gonna be my journey on the art of cooking and eating haha. Anderson and I have been talking about creating a blog about our hobbies, and stuff we will be doing together. He will take photographs, and I would write small fun or inspirational thoughts about it.

I’m very excited to meet him face to face. I actually made a countdown and have posted pictures each day of things that remind me of him. Can you imagine I have 43 days left? So fast!

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You can follow the countdown on my tumblr.

I guess I do love blogging. I like the idea of having something worth reminiscing someday.

Some would say blogging has to do with the narcissistic urge in a person, and maybe to some extent it’s true. But for me blogging is like having a friend that would listen to you at 4am in the morning when you could not sleep, or not have a real person to talk to. It’s like having people that can go with you as you live your life.

I can write about random things on my blog, which sadly, I have not been doing as frequently as I used to. Every time I try to write something on my blog these days, I feel guilty, same as when I think of other fun things. Thoughts like “I shouldn’t be wasting my time on this” come to my mind, and honestly, I don’t like that feeling. I am back to the point where I want to be free once again, free to express myself in different ways and enjoy life.

Worries can trap us.

I do believe in a powerful God who knows exactly what I am going through, and who cares so much for me; however, I confess I doubt him at times and I ask for forgiveness. I do want to be in control most of the time. During the sharing time at the prayer meeting last night, I confessed that I was tempted to quit the Seminary. It is just so hard not to have an income, and there are times I still ask if this is really what God wants me to do. I am on my last year (hopefully) at the Seminary, and since I resigned at the church where I pastored for four years, it is a real test of trust on God’s faithfulness and provisions. But hey, I have never been hungry since January, and God has faithfully provided for my needs in different ways, although there is always a test on trust.

Now, what could be wrong?

I think every person has an “ideal” situation running in their head. I still tend to grumble, but I try my best to look at the blessings I should be grateful for each day. I still remind myself that God has a plan for me, and I should never give up. I always remind myself of His promises; that He will never leave me nor forsake me, but I do admit, it’s not easy to “not” know what’s next, or even deal with past failures and regrets that weigh us down.

I came across Isaiah 43 once again and have found comfort in it:

18 “Forget the former things; 
do not dwell on the past. 
19 See, I am doing a new thing! 
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? 
I am making a way in the wilderness 
and streams in the wasteland.

I desire for a new start. I pray for new beginnings.
I pray for a deeper trust in God who is everything to me.

If there is something that fills my heart with joy these days, I praise God for the work he is doing in our  NYI leaders in the Philippines. The workshops for Intentional Discipleship is still on-going and that reminds me I still owe you my update for the recent Nazarene Youth Congress, and other exciting things God is doing in the lives of the youth. I am proud that this generation is becoming more serious in making Christlike disciples in the Nations, and that really makes me so excited. The ministry never stopped when I resigned the church, instead, doors are being opened and people are responding to the call to be equipped for the harvest.

It’s now 4:47am, and I still want to talk or write about a lot of things, but maybe I’ll end this for now with some prayer requests:

1. Please pray for my spiritual life. I desire to draw nearer to the Lord and be able to know Him more and love Him with my all.

2. Please pray for me as I follow God’s desire to bring hope and grace to hurting people. I have been talking with a number of young people who have opened up their hearts and struggles to me and I want to be a reflection of God’s love to them and to more people who need the Good news of grace and salvation.

3. Please pray for me as I conduct “Intentional Discipleship” workshops; and for all the partnerships made with our NYI leaders to be fruitful as we train more leaders. Pray for my disciples, that they may grow in Christlikeness.

4. Please pray for my Seminary education, that God would provide sponsors for this year, and for strength and diligence.

Thanks for your prayers. In all that is happening in my life right now, I believe God is working on something great for me.

Here’s my prayer with AW Tozer from the “Universal Presence” chapter
in the book The Pursuit of God:

O God and Father, I repent of my sinful preoccupation with visible things.
The world has been too much with me.
Thou hast been here and I knew it not.
I have been blind to Thy Presence.
Open my eyes that I may behold Thee in and around me.
For Christ’s sake. Amen.

Have a great Thursday everyone!

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