BENEATH…

My Everdearest,

I should be sleeping by now.  While my roomie is having her own world of happiness in front of her computer and the never ending Koreanovelas, I sit here smiling and I just wanna share what’s new. It had been weeks of frustration and nausea but I am grateful for little things that brighten up my day; or night.

It is still raining outside, but I can sense that tomorrow will be a sunshine filled day; if not, it’s still gonna be okay. I miss the warm rays coming in my room after the  early morning jog and prayer. We already have Facebook now (Danke Schoen!!!), after weeks of the poor PLDT connection, and that just kept my eyes wide open since I arrived from Burger King before midnight. I noticed that the depressing rainy weather always stirs up cravings for jr. Whopper and Sundae, and I just had that satisfying dinner, with my other roomie. Changes are never ending, but your faithfulness is my comfort and joy.

I owe you some of the changes, well, if you haven’t observed, I think I got the courage to let go of the “who I think I am” rationale. I am happy that my own stereotype-Jana-phase is over; though I still make lists. I am still ambitious with my plans and though I have failed most of them I kept writing and trying. I still want to accomplish a lot of things; and with that crazy desire is a wish for a day with 36 hours. (Insert “what!!???” here)

I’m wearing the purple baller ID that my classmate gave me last semester. I wore it since I started grumbling endlessly this week because it’s a complaint-free-campaign-baller ID. I am trying my best to breathe and be Miss Brightside. I am slowly sinking in depression and it had really kept me from being more productive the past few weeks. I sometimes wanted to see a psychologist; and try even more crazy stuff. I still want to do that.

Above all, I wanna thank you. Thank you for your love that never gives up on me whenever you see me like this. I am one annoying, grumbling sicko that you have never been tired of dealing with. You are my strength. How can I possibly continue living without you? Thank you for the cross, and the hope that you promised me.

I am never a loser with you.

P.S.

I should sleep now so I can write my June-July update tomorrow, right?
Goodnight my Lord.