Having a Humble Opinion of Self
From Chapter 2 of The Imitation of Christ, by Thomas A Kempis
A Reflection
All men are frail, but you must admit that none is more frail than yourself.
God’s grace in my life always reminds me that I can never really boast about anything; for if it weren’t for His grace, I wouldn’t even stand. There were times that I did look at myself as better than others; times when I did boast on how well I’ve done. I even made fun of others and as I look back at those moments, it really makes me feel bad and I know I have nothing at all to boast about. When people around me fail, I would easily pull out the “better than others” look and attitude, and when I come to think of it, there’s actually no big nor small sin. Though their sins may look great, and I haven’t done anything like it, however small my sin looks like compared to it doesn’t really matter. What I have is still a sin and I am not more righteous at all. I only remain because of God’s grace. I am amazed at this grace God is able to give because aside from knowing that I don’t deserve it, the thought of it helps me to be humble.
Thomas talks about man’s desire to be good and knowledgeable at all things. Oftentimes, we seek for this knowledge because if we acquire it, it can make us look at ourselves and say that we are better than others. But the word of the Lord says, the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, the real knowledge and wisdom comes from Him. Every time the “self” tells me to brag about what I can do and what I have, Christ’s example is so encouraging that though He was God, he humbled Himself and became like us. However my mind wants to grasp what he has done, I cannot understand it- because I wouldn’t do that. But I am happy to know He made an example. If there was somebody who had a right to boast, that is only Him; but He loved the Father so much that He obeyed Him even up to death on a cross.
I don’t desire to be called great if that makes my “self” more popular
than Christ who lives in me.
Lord, I pray that I would never ever look at myself highly than others. Please forgive me for the times I did. Please fill my heart with your spirit so I can be like you.
Truly to know and despise self is the best and most perfect counsel.
To think of oneself as nothing, and always to think well and highly of others
is the best and most perfect wisdom.
Imitating Christ and Despising All Vanities on Earth
From Chapter 1 of The Imitation of Christ, by Thomas A Kempis
A Reflection
Indeed it is not learning that makes a man holy and just,
but a virtuous life makes him pleasing to God.
In our congregations today, “Jesus Rules” is a phrase that is often heard and said especially among the young people. I often say it too and include it in my text messages to Christian friends. However, as I look at how I live my life each day, I realize He doesn’t really rule most of the time.
Thomas, in this chapter, mentions about the imitation of Christ as the ultimate goal in our life. But as we live our lives here on earth, a lot of things attract our attention, things that can become primary than the pursuit of holiness that God intends for us. I have often seen myself follow after the desires of the flesh. In all its forms, I have realized that the temptation is real and it is so great that the “self” can easily give in. Thomas mentioned of honor, lusts of the body, the desire of things, long life, well-spent life, the present, and the things that pass quickly as the things that we will most likely pursue; instead of being like Christ. I reflect on how I easily make these things first in how I react with other people, and how I make my choices. I believe that what God has to offer is always wonderful, yet it is a fact that I do choose other things instead of Him; because following Him is the hard way, the uncomfortable, and the unusual. Following Him doesn’t highlight my self and what I want so it is then much easier to just learn about it, talk about it and just debate on it, than to actually preach it through the way I live. But Christ’s selfless love to God and to man is the ultimate goal, than just to talk about the doctrines. Compassion, that is.
I pray that God would always remind me and silence me every time I want to talk on my faith more than living it out. I pray that He will put a hunger in my heart to seek His ways and to know more of Him so I could live it out loud.
Try, moreover, to turn your heart from the love of things visible
and bring yourself to things invisible.
For they who follow their own evil passions stain their consciences
and lose the grace of God.
Seize the Day! or the Night.
I must be excited for the first day of SY09-10 because it is 1:30 am now and I still can’t sleep.
So, whatever is left of my energy, I’ll just spend it here because I missed my blog like a best friend from long time ago who I always see during rush hour and when it is time for us to talk, it’s like hey there’s my bus… goodbye.
So the drafts have piled up. I just don’t know why I feel like it doesn’t make sense whenever I go back to continue writing.
Anyway, it’s been a whirl since the last summer module which was actually great; except for not being able to submit my final paper, which had been a jana-thing for the last year, which is not-so-new anymore to some of you. Our professor was great and that’s what I’m talking about- being able to guide and explain stuff so we could understand it. After that was the great Global NYI Convention which I would be talking into detail later, on another blogpost.
Before that event happened, I once again moved out of the dorm to Geneva Hall, it used to be a couples’ dorm but now we invaded it. The boys had to occupy our dorm since there’s now lots of boys staying on campus.
What should I say…. hmmm… but….. I need space.
I never thought I would have an issue on this but apparently, as I sit here typing and surfing the net I cry on the inside. I worry that I should be forcing myself to sleep now because maybe they are uncomfortable with the lights turned on… and yada yada yada. I hate it that this is becoming an issue and that I have to deal with this as soon as possible. But seriously, I’m struggling about the new set-up.
On a lighter note, I feel better now. I was sick a couple of days ago, 39.5C fever which was really alarming with a bad cough and sore body. According to my instincts, it was my tonsil and true enough the doctor said it was swollen. I am still under meds and I think the cough is almost over now. Thanks for the prayers. I had been watching FRIENDS while I was sick, so that was entertaining. I didn’t complain much about having to stay inside my room although I did sneak out when I felt a little better and went to celebrate Yang’s birthday last Friday. Did I already say I like Phoebe Buffay and is crushing Chandler Bing?
If there are worries left on my mind right now, that would be my weight, which I know to some of you sounds ridiculous everytime I say I’m fat but it’s a Filipino thing… because to the skinny girls out there they shout I’m fat. So I need to lose 30lbs as soon as possible. I hope the hike up the new dorm helps.
I’m starting to miss my family again and I can’t believe how mom’s got a facebook account now haha. Let’s see how far she would go.
My mind is telling me to sleep now and my eyes are agreeing so it’s time I’d say til later. This should be enough update for now.
Oh, btw, please remember Ruel and his family in your prayers. His mom went with the Lord already.
Life is too short
Seize the Day!
Rhapsody
Lines that lead to you…
These blurred visions and sleepless nights
Do you care?
Ironic as it seems
This great unfulfilled desire goes purely romantic
Waves reach me
And in a speed of light it strikes you back
Will you care?
Heaps of ruin do lay bare
And awake, I’ll rise
And lie, and wait til dusk
Moonlit roads do feel the weight
Heavy sigh, crashing in spaces.
I’m a little confused;
I don’t really know what I want
And that’s the hardest part
A Summer to Remember
Summer is my favorite season of the year. I love the sun, and though it can be really hot, it can also be really heartwarming. I don’t hate the rain, but I feel lonely when the rain comes. The sun is a great friend of mine, because when I walk alone, I always talk to the sun. Alright, I can hear “Here comes the sun” at the back of my mind now, and I always greet the sun with that song. “Sunlight” would be another favorite. So when the weather was acting weird at the start of April, I always screamed: I WANT SUMMER BACK. I thought Summer would be taken away from me, but God is very good and He loves me so coz I still had the activities that made this Summer a memorable one.
I do not only love Summer because of the sun but because of the excitement it brings.
- HOLY WEEK VACATION IN BAGUIO. (April 6-11) So what else is new? Haha. Yes it is Baguio, but the greatest news about that was it was a whole week. Honestly speaking, I experienced very stressful situations at church, and I almost came to a point that I would lose my sanity. My time with the family was rejuvenating. There is really no place like home; although that’s not really our home- but the family which is my home. When I was about to go home on the 11th, I was surprised I can’t buy tickets anymore because there were a lot of people on vacation going home too. The next trip would be Sunday afternoon and that was crazy for me since I had to be back for Sunrise service for Easter; but God works in amazing ways, I got a ticket- an amazing seat that wasn’t taken and I got back at 3:30 am before our 5am service. Cool God.
- NAZARENE DREAM ACADEMY. (April 13-16) The District Sunday School Ministries conducted a creative workshop for kids and I was invited to do the dance workshop. It was cool to see children use their different talents for the Lord. Though the expected number of children didn’t come, I believe that the children that came were all very important to the Lord. I pray that the Lord will continue to stir their hearts to be used by the Lord as they grow up.
- THEOLOGY OF WORK SUMMER MODULE. (April 18-25) Dr. Fletcher Tink came to APNTS to share his rich experiences about life and just about anything under the sun that would motivate us and help us understand how work should be the way it is meant to be. I can’t deny this is one of my favorite classes. The way I came to attend the module was really God’s providence, since I wasn’t suppose to take this class. Our DVBS was scheduled on the same week and I enrolled on a different module, however, the professor of the Holistic Ministry Class made adjustments to the sched leaving me no other option but to take another class. I was mad at first, little did I know that God had so much in store for me. We also had a field trip. I will be blogging about my thoughts on the lectures soon.
- MIRACLE CHURCH DVBS. (April 22-27) While the Module was happening in the evenings, We were having our DVBS in the morning and doing the preparations in the afternoon. It was a crazy week for me. The challenge was, there were only 4 of us working with 60 kids, unlike before when we had around 20 youth working. Most of our youth had grown up and are now working; and some have summer classes- but God’s grace helped us have a fruitful and meaningful DVBS. I don’t have pictures anymore because I accidentally deleted them all.
- SITIO ITAAS DVBS. (April 29- May4) The following week, we had another class which was done at our outreach area. Sitio Itaas is a depressed area and when 90 children signed up, we were very thrilled. It was their first time to have DVBS in their area, and here’s the catch: we didn’t have a building to stay, even chairs to sit on. We requested each child to bring a stool, but most of them didn’t have a stool. I was holding back my tears the first day when I gave my white board so they can sit on it while some of them was cool with sitting on the ground. It was a little muddy too and the small kids didn’t care. It was a different sight, and my heart was really breaking at the time. God’s grace was working through them before we even came, and they accepted Jesus. I loved my class- the preteens. At first, they were grumpy, stressed and restless kids that became really responsive to God’s love. The change was evident and until today, we are still having Sunday School with them. A challenge for us would be the rain, because when it rains, we can’t push through with the class, because we don’t have a building to stay at. The houses are very small too. Would you pray for us and this ministry? We want to plant a church in their area and share God’s love to them all.
- THE “F” FACTOR CAMP. (May 5-8) While the DVBS sessions were happening, the NYI Council and I were very busy with the preparations for the camp. Thank you for all who supported us. I am an advocate of youth ministries. The youth camps are a big part of why I am serving the Lord today; that’s why I believe in how camps work in the young people’s lives. I was able to do a workshop on Small Groups and I really praise God that this is creating a desire in the youth leaders for strong discipleship in their churches. This is a part of my vision for our youth- that we would have a strong discipleship strategy and I know God will help us with this. This camp was very different in the sense that most of our plans didn’t happen because a storm hit the area where we were staying. During that moment, God really spoke to me about how He is the one who is in control and that our response everyday is just to trust in Him. I praise God because I know that the young people were still able to have a great time of fellowship and worship time and most especially, they were able to learn about Faith- our faith foundations, faith focus, and faith journey as our speaker Ptr. Jesse Dedel shared them. As I reflect on what happened that week, our relationship with the Lord is actually like that- we walk each day with Him, seeking where he leads and being ready to do what he wants us to do- whatever it takes, be it a storm; He will never fail and He is there. Also, a bonus happenedd after the event and the storm. The NYI Council praises God for that.
- GALLIVANTING IN DAVAO. (May 11-20) This trip was very spontaneous. When one of the APNTS graduates, Ruel, was about to return to Davao and we were bidding goodbyes- he mentioned about Kuya Glen and Ate Ilde going there for ministry and a medical mission. He told me I should go with them and visit Mindanao. Now I was thrilled when I found out that I didn’t have a summer module during that time so I said yes- because I haven’t been to Mindanao. The trip was a great one because I already know some of the people from Davao from Nazarene Youth Congress 2007. All I can say is the people there are lovely and are really hospitable. It was a vacation for me- because normally during my escapes, I am still working on papers. This time I was free from that. Though it was a vacation, I am glad I was given an opportunity to be an instrument of the Lord when I spoke at the TEACH Coordinator’s meeting on one of their devotions; Share God’s word at the Praise and Worship Team’s fellowship, and be a part of the Medical Mission Team. I felt like a missionary that was trying to learn the language and reach out to their culture. I had fun having Tea Parties in the different cafes and just hanging out with the youth. The highlight was the Island hopping which happened twice: Samal Island and Talikud Island. What else beats a fun time of snorkeling and just enjoying God’s creation. That ten days was full of blessings indeed, not to mention how they always filled my tummy with delight. I’d love to return. I should return. Right? I hope soon.
- PASTOR’S RETREAT. (May 20-22) When I got back to Manila, I went to Rizal Recreation Center, straight from the airport and arrived at 1 am. I am crazy I know. haha. This pastors retreat was memorable and I renewed my covenant with the Lord once again. Three years ago, it was on a Pastor’s retreat that I confirmed God’s call for me to pastor our church. Cool right? It’s been three years. God is faithful. It was cool hanging out with pastors and sharing with each other our burdens. The plan for the small group trainings is being talked about now at our district and I am really excited and hopeful that this will push through.
- SYSTEMATIC THEOLOGY2: CHRISTOLOGY MODULE. (May 25-June 11) I am currently in this class with Dr. Diane K. Leclerc. I am appreciating everything about our doctrines and most especially knowing more about our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ. Each day makes me excited to teach all of what I learn to our church members and preach about this. Cool huh? This is our last week and I am missing it already. Dr. Diane is also cool. I wanna teach someday like that.
- RIZAL FAITH FELLOWSHIP YOUTH CAMP. (May 23) While I was on summer module, Aven invited me to do a dance workshop at their youth camp. It was fun. haha. I also saw people I know and some people from the past. I should be good. bow. haha.
- GOD’S PROVISIONS. I am forever grateful because the Lord’s grace and provision never fails. I will proclaim it to all and nobody can stop me. I am a living testimony of this- I don’t know how to continue with Seminary and all that I do, but God uses people and I am really in awe of Him. Thank you for all who are supporting me and are praying for me. You are all in my prayers.
So there’s my April-May update.
As the raining season has come- I am thankful for it. Have you heard about how the raining is God’s grace with H1N1 virus spreading? I just think that’s cool. The rain reminds me that God is in control.
Thank you Lord for this summer.
I know you’ve got more surprises even in the rainy season.
Rain, bring it on.
P.S.
My parents celebrated their 25th anniversary.
I would like to thank Pines Church for surprising them with a party.
Too bad I was in Davao
TRUTH THURSDAYS: I Must Create a Life That is Filled with
The things I lack:
ENDURANCE; and go the extra mile.
PATIENCE; yes, I’ll wait for you.
TRUST; even find solace in strangers.
GRACE; because I live by it.
GRATEFULNESS; when my mouth is ready to whine.
LOVE: And be perfect.
TRUTH THURSDAYS: Thicket of Undigested Experiences
Three Delays:
The Ocean, The Escape, The Touch
Two Words:
COME HERE
One Last Gesture:
A Stare
Dear Chance,
I was trying to deny the fact that you exist. Seeing you chase the wind and go in circles all the more showed me my greatest fear that I, as well, might end up chasing pavements. But you happened to occur in a limited time and I closed my eyes and took your hand, hoping that it would be worth the risk. I think it was still, though my expectations were more. I did it because I know that was my part- my response to chances that come once in a lifetime. After this grand time, I am still learning to accept that there are things that don’t happen clearly with undefined people like me. You gave me hope that grasped me entirely. Now let my eyes tell you that you took a part of me. I would like to hope that you will find that part- and carry it to fill that missing piece of me. If not, take it; it is now yours.
Sincerely,
Jana
TRUTH THURSDAYS: For Me, Loving Bravely is Like
Loving Bravely is like diving into that ocean though unsure if I have enough strength to reach the bottom, or enough air before my hand reaches that heart you captured from me; My only assurance is that my eyes can see you holding on to it, however murky the water is, my eyes can clearly see that vision of you keeping it.
I will dare go deep until my last breath- and be with you.
People Always Leave
One of the greatest things about Seminary life is the friendships that one makes.
This year’s graduation day is different from all the others I have attended,
because some of my friends graduated.
I am happy to see them finish well and tears were welling up inside me.
It was good that I was taking pictures so that helped me calm myself.
It is amazing because I have seen them have their hard times as they wrote their papers and had their version of depression when they wrote their thesis,
and God’s grace enabled them to finish and all the hardships were worth it.
But I am really sad today; coz I know they are leaving… soon.
How can I keep them?
God’s servants are always in the business of moving…
When we follow the Lord, we move forward and we let go.
And about leaving; yeah they’re leaving us..
But I am proud they said yes to go where God is leading them to go.
Congratulations to all APNTS 2009 Graduates.
You made ABBA proud.
and We are proud of you.
(pictures soon)
